I started this blog to bring to the fore the damage that can be done through being in a relationship with a narcissist, but writing about it has taken me to some negative places.

Todays blog is about life now.

I am married. Yes, I remarried. I married my childhood sweetheart. Someone I had little contact with for 15 years.

It doesn’t matter how we got together, as that a whole different story, what matters is where I am now.

Who is he?

He is my soul mate. You know the cliche. The person who just ‘gets’ you. The person who makes you smile even though they’re just sitting on the couch watching Bake Off. The person who touches you knee and you still tingle… years later.

He is the polar opposite to my ex-husband. This is refreshing. This means the following

• He listens
• He cares
• He helps
• He says he loves me, and I know he means it
• He wants to be in my company
• He makes me laugh, I make him laugh ( YES I AM FUNNY – He reads this blog!)
• He supports me and I support him. We are each others biggest cheerleaders.
• He is calm
• He is reflective
• He is measured
• He is handsome ( I said it before, I will say it again, he is way out of my league)
• He is accepting
• He is patient

I am not going to say I emulate all of his positive attributes, but I am so grateful for him in my life, that his small foibles are so minuscule, that we rarely fall out and we exist together moving in the same direction.

I am confident that I do have some positive qualities hence why he married me, but he supports me knowing I regularly mentally beat myself up. I internally call myself names, I berate myself for existing and he pulls me out of my hole. The thing is… I can’t imagine my life without him. I wouldn’t want to to be with any other person and he has the capacity to bring me around to see the good in myself. He doesn’t leave me to cry silently, like the ex did.

You see, he is quite the opposite of a narcissist . The ex-husband made me believe I was deserving of the treatment I had endured. Being with my husband now makes me feel like I have won the lottery. However, once again, you see, what me and my husband have is normal. A normal life, in a normal town, with normal friends, with no drama, with no huge highs and lows that drag us on a never ending rollercoaster. For my simple life, I am so happy and grateful.

That word again. Grateful.

Those who have never experienced true gratitude, I ask you to reflect on what it is that you are grateful for. Is it the meal in front of you? Is the roof over your head? Is it the love of a parent, friend or spouse? Reflecting on the gratitude I have has made me realise that I am truly the lucky one.

I escaped abuse, harm and a life of highs and lows. I am now in a place of calm and peace with someone who loves me without judgement or expectation.

Poor bloke

I say the above tongue in cheek, but he said something quite stark the other day. He said ” I am on this journey with you” or words to that effect. What he was getting at was that whilst I am healing, he is experiencing the journey with me. The tears, anger, sadness, disbelieve, anxiety, self doubt, self loathing and frustration He is with me, by my side, holding my hand.

Wise words

My father mentioned to me some words which I am carrying with me daily.

We were doing some dishes a few weeks ago and he said to me “Think about it, who would you want to be with? The person you are made to believe ‘He’ ( the ex) is, or the person who will always hold your hand. Be with the person who will always hold your hand” He is right.

My husband holds my hand through all times. He always will, because he always has.

This is where I am now. Being supported, loved and cared for by a man who knows the worst of me and still stands with me. Holding my hand.