I have had some time away from blogging this week as I needed some headspace.

I had to encounter the narcissist last week due to an issue with one of our children. He was as always, charismatic, charming and said all the right things. Rather than feeling better about the situation, I berated myself for being vulnerable around him. This is it now. He has ANOTHER hook by which he knows I am vulnerable. Our child.

I had always been strong around him. I never cried when I walked out of our home and our marriage ended. I didn’t cry when he verbally abused me in the street. I didn’t cry when he acknowledged his affair. I had stayed strong. I knew if I cried he would find the scab to pick. Even as I write this now, I find that he now has the scab to pick. Our child.

The thing is, the narcissist will already know what your trigger points are. They already know how to get to you. You will always be vulnerable to them as you trusted them to be let in.

As I have mentioned in a previous post, the narcissist goes for a certain type of person. I fit that category, but whilst I have grown stronger in lots of ways, I am still teary about some things and I need to find a strength to cope with that in some way.

Thoughts about oneself.

As I am still recovering from the abuse I suffered at the hands of this person, I want to be able to say I am fixed. But I am not. I am still puzzle. I doubt that I am good enough for my job, my home, my children and my own husband.

One such life event happened this weekend. My husband wanted to work on his own self improvement. I am fully in support of this. But naturally, I went to the ‘dark side’ of my mind. I had been ‘here’ before.

When the narcissist got bored of me, he started on his own self improvement journey. He lost weight. Changed the way he looked. Started going out more. Spending hours in the bath/shower. Hiding his phone. I immediately started wondering, is my husband going to do the same?

After a conversation with husband, he reassured me that there was no way he doing anything untoward and gave me the reassurance I needed to be okay.

This is what I am talking about here – the lasting damage. I have been harmed and when a person is harmed, they take time to get better.

I hope if anyone is reading this and wondering if things will ever get better, they will. It will take time. It may take therapy. But, in opposition to the old adage ‘It’s THEM, not YOU’ that is the problem.‘

If you want to read more about the impact that narcissistic abuse has on the brain, you can click here. I hope it helps.